Unglamorous Update

This week kicked my butt. So much so that I actually learned how to say that phrase in Spanish. 

Don't ask me what it is, I can only say it, not spell it. 

You may be wondering why this week was so rough, and if I'm being honest, there is no one specific thing. Just an accumulation of exhaustion and homesickness and a stomach ache because I may have eaten too much food during the holiday week. Don't worry, I'm pacing myself now. But in my defense, when a persistent Chilean is trying to get you to eat delicious food it is really hard to have self control.

I'm going to give you a quick rundown of the week, and then any other thoughts that come to me along the way because that's just how my brain works. Thanks for coming along for the ride. 

Monday I went back to school, and for the most part it was very normal. I got to tell everyone about some of my vacation adventures and it was super nice to see all of my friends again. I would like to note that I was definitely a little disoriented going back to school after having been on vacation for a week, but that's exactly how I would have felt if I were in the U.S. Good to know some things don't change.

Tuesday was actually my host brother's birthday (Ignacio, the oldest) . The whole family got together and we ate a bunch of food and cake (which definitely didn't help my stomachache but it was delicious, Chilean cake is to die for). It was super sweet to see all the family come together to celebrate him, and I got about half of the happy birthday song right in Spanish so that was a win. 

Wednesday hit me like a ton of bricks. I should mention that every day except Friday this week, I stayed at school until 6:30 or later because I had theater club, and then had to wait for Claudia to come pick me up because she was busy with the restaurant. 

Additionally, on Wednesday my last class ends at 1:45 and theater doesn't start until 4:35, which is a long time to wait around. I may or may not have taken a short nap in the library, much to my friends' amusement. Either way, Wednesday I was tired. Tireddddd. 

When I got home that night I was so looking forward to maybe going to bed a little early, and that was the moment when my host dad, Gonzalo, told me that we were actually going out to dinner to celebrate Ignacio's birthday some more. 

Okay, okay, I could do this. It was around 9:30 when we left, so I figured the restaurant was nearby and I would be home by 11:00, 11:30 at the latest. 

Wrong. 

Something I am learning is that Chile's concept of time and how they manage it is very different from what I am used to in the United States. 

I didn't get back to the house until 12:30. My tireddddd just turned into exhausteddddd. 

Sometimes I feel a little bit ridiculous because at home I wouldn't bat an eye at doing any of these things, but I think because it is all in Spanish, in a new place, with relatively new people, it wipes me out way more than New York ever could. 

Now Thursday. I was dragging this day, but I tried my best not to show it too much during classes. Internally I felt like I had hit a wall. Or like I wanted to hit one. It was kind of a toss up between the two the whole day, and by the time I got to theater I was really ready to go home. Don't worry though, I stuck it out and when I did get home, Claudia kindly reminded me that my Rotary Club president would stop by to drop off my monthly salary. 

Perfect, was the thought I had to myself. Maybe I will actually be able to get some sleep tonight because lord knows I need it. 

Wrong again. 

Wouldn't you know that a Chilean house call lasts about 3 hours longer than a New York house call? Maybe it's just the New York culture of always being in a rush, but I was positively baffled at how long this gentleman stayed and chatted with us. 

I feel bad because I was so tired that my Spanish was lackluster and I was not on my A-game to be professional, but I did my best. Please know I did my best. It definitely didn't show though, because this gentleman has a lovely Chilean accent and a very soft voice which made it almost impossible for me to understand him. 

I went to bed around 11:30 this evening as well. Exhaustedddddddd.

I felt a little bit better today, Friday, because my stomach ache subsided a little bit, but the exhaustion persisted. I'm actually falling asleep a little bit writing this so please excuse any grammatical errors. 

Before I sign off, a few Anna thoughts. 

First, I have officially been in Chile for a month! It feels like it has gone so fast and on one hand that makes me so happy because I miss home so much and and literally counting down till I can get on that plane back to Albany. My homesickness is always resting in the corner of my stomach waiting for a random moment to remind me that I have so much waiting for me in New York. 

On the other hand, it's a little scary that my time here is going so fast. I can already tell that when it comes time to leave that it's going to be so hard. I love the people here a whole lot already, which I think can be partially attributed to the fact that Chilean people are so easy to get along with and partially to the fact that I genuinely just love people. 

One of my friends at school said to me the other day that she thinks I am actually a Chilean just trapped inside the body of a gringa (don't worry, they use that term very affectionately here, it does not have a negative connotation). I am taking that as the highest form of a compliment. I don't really know how that relates to the first thought, but it's something I'm proud of and wanted to include. 

Secondly, I haven't done a language update in a while. 

I think I'm slowly getting better. I'm struggling the most with feminine/masculine words because in Spanish you have to think about that with everything you say, which I'm not used to. Vocabulary and conjugations are my other weak points. I think that vocabulary and the feminine/masculine issue will be resolved with a little bit of time, but I'm nervous about the conjugations. I get all turned around sometimes and have a hard time remembering which tense I need to be speaking in and how I need to conjugate for different groups of people. 

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to fully express myself in Spanish the way I do in English.

I think the answer to that inquiry is no, because each language is different and there will never be a direct translation for everything because culturally those words won't have the same significance. 

However, upon having this thought I also realized that I can learn how to express myself in a "Spanish way" if that makes any sense. There is a different kind of meaning with the words here, but once I learn enough of them, I can express myself in a way that fits the culture of Chile, just like I do with all of my knowledge and vocabulary in English.

That probably sounds bananas, but I swear it makes sense in my head. If you'd like some more clarification send me a message because I can talk with anyone now that my "30 days dark" is over. 

One last thing in the language train of thought. 

I will never speak or think in English the same way I did before arriving in Chile. 

That's it. That's the whole thought. But it's kinda crazy right? 

For now, I will bid you ado but I hope to write some more this weekend!

If you're reading this, please know I miss you.

Much love always,

Anna